I am an avid world traveler, 40 plus countries and counting. All of it for fun. I was reading some of my travel journals recently and came across a gem that I wrote. More on that in a bit, but first some context.
A good portion of my travel has been solo, maybe even half of it. This is because most people don’t have the same ingrained propensity for risk that I have. They are worried about missing work, bosses or clients being upset, or their finances being depleted by travel costs. Some of the excuses are legit, most are simply a fear of risk and a lack of deep curiosity about this magnificent world of ours.
The world is for exploring is what I say!
Truth be told, these days I would rather travel with a companion (at the outset) than by myself, but I have often asked myself if my trips with people have been any better than my solo trips. The honest answer is “No, they are just different.” I get it; people want to share an experience with friends and loved ones. They also don’t want the, admittedly, awkward experience of showing up for dinner by themselves. (The trick is to really “own” eating dinner solo. Pretend you love it even if you are in a room full of people in groups. Amusingly, they are probably feeling more awkward about you sitting there by yourself than you are.)
So back to the gem I found in a travel journal that I wrote on a solo trip:
I find that I am not craving conversation, but rather connection.”
It reminded me that communications is all about nuance. A smile when you walk down the street may impact you more profoundly than the long conversation about last week’s activities. Communication nuance is about asking interesting questions, about inflection points and body language. It is also about listening deeply and not interrupting. Easy to say, not always easy to do well.
I met an awesome elderly Italian couple, Alba and Massimo, in Sardinia a few years ago because I commented on her swimsuit when she came out of the Mediterranean where she had been swimming. They took me to a lovely bar at an amazing viewpoint and followed up with dinner at a local pasta hotspot a few days later. Wouldn’t let me pay a penny. Alba and I had many great conversations about life on that beach where I first met her and Massimo. When I left the island, Alba gave me a pen of hers and it is still in my nightstand as a reminder of our delightful connection.
Massimo and Alba in Sardinia.
I could write a whole blog on how to start conversations with random strangers. I could also write a very long one about all the cool people I have met on my travels. But I digress. Nuance. Pay attention to nuance in conversation. How you say something, the delivery, is often more impactful than what you say. Careful consideration of how you are about to say something, especially when you know it may not land well, can save umpteen headaches.
Nuance is also about patterns. Usually there are all kinds of patterns in communications if you look for them. Understanding the patterns of competing companies in business can help you outsmart them. In your personal life, looking for pattern changes from those around you can alert you to all kinds of things, both good and bad.
And then there is body language. This is the nuance we often have the least control over. In general, people are not good at hiding lies, anger or disdain. Danger signs should go up when people suddenly look away for a second, cross their arms in front of their chest, or get this tiny mean/annoyed smirk on their face. Strangely, us humans, at least the ones older than 10, are better at hiding excitement, joy and pleasure.
One that I find super interesting is when a person suddenly puts his hand on his chin while speaking, it means he lacks conviction in what he is saying. Keep an eye out for it. Business meetings, and even discussions with loved ones, become much more interesting when you can tell when they are not really sure about what they are proclaiming.
I could go on and on, but I will save it for another post. Yeah, I’m 25-year (plus) communications expert. This post was more for fun, though, than for clicks. Early on I promised myself my blog would be mainly for my ramblings about stuff I find interesting. Thanks for reading.
Photo at the top of this blog is of one of the many gorgeous, world-class beaches I enjoyed in Sardinia.
